Pilot
My name is CUJO. I'm tattooed,
scrawny, and long-haired, and highly opinionated. That's my introduction.
I got a million things to rant about. Lets start with vegetarians. Now, history
has taught us ONE THING. It's that MEAT EATERS eat PLANT EATERS. If those
Veggienazis wanted to save those bug-eyed stupid walking shit-factories, they'd
volunteer to be eaten. Would a vegetarian taste good? Why not try one and find
out? Might be a bit gristly, but fuck, that's why God gave us canine teeth
right?
Feminists.... yeah yeah we get it, you can do the same job as us men, you're
'equal,' Now shut the fuck up and show us your tits already. It's OK, I like
small ones too. And fat girls. I'm all about the equality.
Rosie O Donnell: God I hate this yappy bitch. Her mouth looks like you could fit
a watermelon, a walrus cock, and a whole pig carcass, and still have room to
park a Mac truck on her tongue. Jeez this bitch gets on my nerves. She's not a
role model to women, she's not a comedian, she's barely even human. Rosie O
Donnell was that fat bitch everyone knew in Elementary School that yelled at the
other kids all day and then told the teacher when that didn't work. What a
bitch.
McDonalds: Contrary to what everyone says, their food ain't so bad. (Although I
did eat a possum once that smelled like an old woman's cunt and described it as
'tasty.') But LOSE THE CHILD MOLESTER CLOWN already.
George Bush: The guy's such a fuck-giraffe that I'm not even laughing at the
GEORGE BUSH IS STOOPID jokes anymore. Just execute him already.
Rap Music: What's that mushmouth? I can barely understand your garbled ebonics!
Maybe if you didn't encourage black people to be stupid and buy worthless
clothes and 'bling' all day long, All ya'lls wouldn't be living in the projects
no more! And I hope Fiddy Cent gets molested by a gorilla. Fucking idiot.
Cops and Government: Yeah keep patting yourselves on the back for busting
another grow-op! It's not like our streets are overrun with pedophiles and crack
dealers. AND QUIT DICKING ME AROUND WITH MY JOB.
I'm too tired to waste more time on this but believe me more is forthcoming.