What's up with Jewish chicks and marriage contracts?
6/2/04

Hey, is it just me, or is there something terribly wrong with the Jewish society of girls? It's like, you meet a girl and go on two dates and she wants you to marry her. When you tell her that you don't think you know her well enough, or that you want to finish college, or get a job, etc., she replies with "What am I, a piece of meat???". "No girl, no one ever said you're a "piece of meat" but noone also said that I want to marry you tomorrow". By "piece of meat", she is implying that you are going out with her so that you can grope her, and do other nice things like that, and then not actually do anything for her (yes people, groping's got it's price). But, of course this isn't true for the following reasons: A) You don't actually touch her at all, because if you did, her father would have your ass (not to mention the fact that she'd go sleep around with someone else and then come back to you telling you that you impregnated her, when you just put your arm around her shoulder....(these Jewish girls, can never figure them out.....), and B) You do actually buy her stuff, and spend quality time with her, when you could be doing better things, and do actually spend those painful hours on the phone with her when she's having her "time of the month", where just everything seems to bother her, while you just keep listening to everything, and keep responding with the same "hey, everything  will be all right" (hey, it really works! Try it!). So as I was saying, after two dates, you find yourself in some legal bondage with them, and because the lawyers and everything will be too complicated and costly, you just give in and marry her. And yes, that's the fate of the average Jewish boy. And if you don't give in to marriage, be prepared for harassment that will make you wish you never met them. Every night they will be calling you up telling you that yet another friend of theirs got engaged or married (they'll even call you on nights when this isn't true, and make up some name of a friend which they claim got engaged tonight. You: "Sarah? Interesting that you never mentioned her name before." Her: "I didn't? I'm sure I did countless times, and that you just weren't listening." ...Well, that's a sure way to end that argument because you're never going to continue a conversation after you've been accused of not listening to her. You're just going to quickly divert the conversation into something else, like about the next week's weather forecast (like any good boyfriend would). They know they can always get you there and you'll just shut up or change the conversation after that.) ...And Then there's the Jewish girl that's going to cheat on you (or hook up with your friend) within two weeks of you knowing her. Well, at least she don't ask for no marriage contract! So, hell as it may seem, these are the only two options for you as a Jewish boy, who wants to date a Jewish girl. Either that, or it's the hand.