Everyone who watches E! should be stabbed with a rusty razor blade.
I was channel surfing yesterday, seeing as my ass-kickery was sub-par due to lack of sleep, when I came across the E! channel. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was about to be visually assaulted with celebrity bullshit and that fucking dinosaur, Joan Rivers.
It took me about .34 seconds to change the channel, but about 3 weeks to get the image of that disgusting, stretched-out, plastic bitch’s face out of my nightmares. And why do I know that Katie Holmes had her baby yesterday? I don’t even watch TV that much, and yet this little gem of knowledge is wedged somewhere between my thoughts of killing Tony Danza, and eating a cheese sandwich.
And as if watching this bullshit on television isn’t enough, they have to plague the Internet as well, for the technological moron. Some douche bag named Ted Casablanca writes some stupid, barely sit-through-able article, entitled
“The Awful Truth”, furthering the retardation of teenage girls and lonely housewives alike. “Like, oh my gosh, Jennifer Aniston had sex with Angelina Jolie while Brad Pitt fucked Vince Vaughn, kindly giving him a reach around. Does this mean that Paris Hilton will suck Ashton Kutcher’s cock? Demi Moore will have his baby while she watches!”I give you a quote directly from this asshole’s website:
“According my always reliable Desk Chi-town (I swear, those satellites of mine in the heartland sure are doin' a number on their jaded coastal counterparts), Jennifer Aniston is indeed--and quite contrary to her on-air Oprah declarations--looking for condos in Chicago. 'Course, official Camp Jen denied this real-estate bit, but Camp Jen's unofficial blabbers told me Ms. A. sure enough has been in the Windy Metropolis recently, looking at properties with homeboy Vince Vaughn.”
-Apr. 19, 2006
I kid you not, people actually read this guy’s shit. I could vomit up better articles than this. I don’t understand the people who are so devoid of any personality and/or intelligence that they actually give two fucks about celebrities or their shitty, meaningless lives. As if the world wasn’t retarded enough, some asshole had to create this channel. I hate you all.