Don't Talk to Strange Men

It’s the advice every girl’s mom gives them when they start taking the subway alone. But the truth is that talking to strange men is HOT. It’s really not talking, it’s called flirting. But what straight babe doesn’t get wet talking to a tall, handsome, stranger? Better yet, if you do it at a club it gets you free drinks. One time I flirted with a salesman to the point where I didn’t have to pay for the perfume he was trying to sell me.

I’ve seen friends do much more to work their way through situations. My best friend flashed a cop and he “forgot” that he was supposed to write her a speeding ticket—and her boobs are no small affair. Luckily it was her driving and not my tomboy friend who has mosquito bites instead of melons.

Sometimes it can really be distracting, and I know you’re thinking, wha? It’s distracting for girls? But yeah, I mean, I’m trying to study in Barnes and Noble and I have these boners flashing in my face because they like staring at my legs. I mean, just because I’m wearing short-shorts doesn’t mean I don’t have a brain and need to pass my final.

Which is interesting, because my roommate got all A’s in the hardest course in college, and I found out that was all because she was very tight with Professor Tight-Ass. Damn, that man was hot stuff. Lucky her, until her fiancée found out. Sometimes it pays to keep your legs closed, at least if you want to keep the rock on your finger.

Diamonds really are a girl’s best friend. At the end of the day, your huge belly of a man will be sitting in his undershirt playing video games and watching porn. You might as well go catch the sales at Macy’s…fork over the cash, hubby, and I’ll let you pork my sister.

NotYourBiatch@gmail.com If you got a problem I'll introduce your balls to my knee.